Tips and mind games to help push through beginner-dom

Help!!! I'm totally hooked on swimming, want to be a swimmer. Even think I have some natural talent. Could swim before I could walk and I love the water. But I've got no background in it competitively. I was very near to tears at last night's practice. Had to get out of the pool, get some water and have a moment. It's so hard for me. It's everything I have to push the breathless wet noodle up and down the pool. My calves burn and I feel like I have been rendered totally strengthless. It's been 2 months and I'm no closer to finishing a whole masters practice. I have to sit out a piece here and there. FWIW here was last night's scene: Warm up: 200 swim (free), 200 kick, 200 pull. 500 medium pace 5 x 200 (I sat out the middle 200, that was my low point) 10 x 50 IM, *** instead of fly (sat out one or two of these) 20 x 25 kick "sprint" Should have done some 100s and then cool down. I did 50 and was D-O-N-E. Not sure if i could swim more if my life depended on it. Getting back in the pool after mentally crashing mid-way was my accomplishment for last night. I'm not seeing ANY ANY ANY improvement. Except maybe higher expectations and slightly more serious and professional about my pool etiquette. As I understand from the coaches and feel in my bones, it will take a crushing 6-9-12 months of 5 hours a week of disappointing and humiliating pool time before I'm a functional Group 2 swimmer. The pregnant mom smokes me. The 60 y o with the beer gut. I want to break through. I know I've got to just keep going to practice and swim on my off days. I'm trying to eat well, sleep, and get strong in other ways too. Is there anything you can tell me that will help me see the silver lining in this time? Being in the water is nice. I can enjoy that part of it. Small victories? Push off from the wall a little more at a time? I'm proud of what I've done so far, but a little scared of months of this kind of challenge. I want to go to practice knowing I can keep up, lead pieces when it's my turn, complete the workout, enjoy pushing myself. It's hard knowing other people are waiting for me to get out of their way, to have the wannabe lane "coach" giving me excuses for why I'm so slow. Sorry for the whining, and thanks for listening. Not sure I've ever done anything so hard in my life. Taking a deep breath now. :chillpill: