This is a little long winded and I apologize. I am new here. Let me introduce myself first. I am a father of a 6 year old daughter who wanted to join our club's Summer swim team in May of this year. She knew how to swim and play around in the pool, but no structure or real swim stroke technique. Comparatively, she did well and I think it really excited her. After the Summer season, there was a month off before the year round team started. She wanted to join and I had no issues. I told her as long as it was fun for her she can do it as long as she wanted.
Fast forward to her first real swim meet this past weekend. It was more of an extended time trial than an actual meet in my opinion (no medals/ribbons/trophies or acknowledgement of place). This is all new to me. It was a little of a shock to realize that 10&U are all in one age group. I already had the discussion with her that her expectations need to be lower because there are more swimmers, older swimmers, swimmers with more experience, etc. She was one of only about four 6yo swimmers from multiple teams at this meet. The first thing she told me after it was over is that she came in last in everything (she was usually swimming with 8 and 9 year olds in her heat). She was a little discouraged and I explained to her that we discussed it and level set expectation. She was OK with it and continued practicing as always.
Fast forward to me, it is more upsetting to me than to her. She got over coming in near last in all 4 strokes after a lollipop. For me, I have no clue what goals to expect. I have read that the only goals should be:
1. Have fun
2. Learn better stroke technique
3. Try to improve on times over the season
4. Have fun
The competitive side of me (which she never sees) wants her swimming 38 second 50s for each stroke.
Is there any advice anyone can give a conflicted father? What should my goal expectations for her be (her goal is to get wet and swim)?
there's a lot of info out there for swimming parents,
you probably don't need to reinvent the wheel.
just google
advice for parents of competitive swimmers
here's a few that looked interesting, I didn't read them in depth but what I skimmed seemed pretty good.
Not sure you need to write a big document, just provide links,
CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE A SWIM PARENT (USASWIMMING)
Education for Parents
Readers Respond: Advice from Experienced Swim Moms (and Dads)
THE PARENT'S HANDBOOK (Or How to Survive Competitive Swimming)
I think it is best to back off and only chauffeur for practice.
To balance what others said, I am NOT from a swimming family. Over four generations I am the only one who even knows how to swim. I had been competing for 10+ years when my father noticed that IM and medley relay had different order of strokes!
As an outsider, with parents who kept a far distance (not from my life but from my athletics), I can say I had it much easier than kids who had meddlesome swimming parents. I made my mistakes, I learned some bonus life lessons, etc., but it all took place without the need for parental input. Other kids had their noses excessively rubbed in their mistakes, or had to deal with humiliation when their father flipped out to coaches or other parents over something downright trivial.
Thank you for the feedback.
Our swim club is new. They had their first year round swim team last year with ~30 swimmers. This year it is up to 227. There is A LOT of newness all around. For me and many others, communication and education is key. I am taking notes, trying to identify all of my own pitfalls, expectations and mission of the coaches (what the coaches are trying to develop in our swimmers at each level).
Pitfalls that I am trying to stop:
1. Walking side to side at the pool while she swims. I am getting much better at this.
2. Stop "uncoaching" from the bleachers
3. Go to the upstairs gym for her practice
4. When I want to get involved at a practice, be the photographer only from a distance
Thank you for the advice. This is why I am asking. Swimming is definitely not her only activity. She plays rec soccer as well. She has tried dance, watched cheerleading, seen karate/tae kwon do/etc. She enjoys soccer and swimming. If she enjoyed full contact basket weaving, I would get her involved in that. She loves going to swim practice and loves going to the meets. She is upset that she has to miss a practice because of a church function next week. We explained to her that it is impossible to be at every practice for year-round swim and no one is expected to be at everyone.
I posed this question because swimming is something I know nothing about. Swimming to me was who could jump from the 2nd story of my house and actually land in the pool. Now, I have to learn something entirely new to me so I am not that obnoxious, over-bearing parent. I am trying to correct bad behavior on my side so it does not discourage her. I hope that what I have learned can be compiled into a "Welcome New Swim Parent" guide for our team. There are probably 100-125 new parents like me that are absolutely clueless. Our coaches are very good and probably too nice to tell any of us to STOP. So, if a parent like myself can help in that regards, the better for all.
Any advice I can get is very helpful: good, bad, constructive, to-the-point.
Thank you.
I think it is best to back off and only chauffeur for practice.
Though as an athlete rep for my LSC, I feel obligated to point out USA Swimming's Safe Sport program. While I don't advocate sitting in on every practice, never seeing part of a practice or trusting the coaches completely are scenarios that can lead to abuse. Some involvement is good :)
Thanks for the advice. I am taking notes and recommendations. I am getting better. Unfortunately, I am not able to work out with my back at the moment. I now go up to the gym with my computer and do work. I look at the balcony window to see how she is doing once in a while, but that is all.
There are many parents that do what I had been doing. I am hoping we can come up with a guide that will solve the systemic issue we have of uneducated parents.
Here's more:
The Top Ten Question Every Swimming Parent Wants to Know
Ten Ways for the Swim Parent to Sabotage Their Child's Swimming Career
A Few Suggestions on How to be a Better Swimming Parent
Six No-No Phrases for the Swimming Parent
An Open Letter to Every Swimming Parent in the World
The Ideal Swimming Parent
By Brent Ransom
THE SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR THE NEW SWIMMING PARENT
10 Commandments for Swimming Parents
Adirondack Swimming
DO'S AND DON'TS FOR SPORT PARENTS USA Swimming
Thanks for the advice. I am taking notes and recommendations. I am getting better. Unfortunately, I am not able to work out with my back at the moment. I now go up to the gym with my computer and do work. I look at the balcony window to see how she is doing once in a while, but that is all.
There are many parents that do what I had been doing. I am hoping we can come up with a guide that will solve the systemic issue we have of uneducated parents.
Here's how to know you're on the wrong track as a swim parent:
Watch this www.imdb.com/.../
If you find yourself thinking that Geoffrey Rush's character has some great motivational lessons for you as a swim parent, run as fast as you can away from the pool and to your nearest mental health professional
BigRed -
When you are able to start working out again, perhaps it would do well for you to start swimming with a local Masters Team. Two reasons:
1. It's really good for you, and excellent in helping you improve your back.
2. You may be able to identify better with your daughter's various comments, mood swings, excitements.
Just a thought, and remember that when you get started, you won't be able to outswim the younger kids, or even some of the older ones! Bring lollipops!
