I've Lost My Love for Swimming

:badday: So, I've been swimming on/off for 15 years now. I started in college, swam for the school and have been with Masters ever since. I spent a few years away from the pool, but was in the ocean every day surfing. Moved away from the ocean and have been in the pool religiously for the past 4 years, never missing a day unless the pool was closed for maintenance, it was a holiday, or I had a Doctor's appt. I follow a coach's workout everyday. I am in the water for about 90 minutes daily and am always changing up strokes, drills, etc. You would think that there's no way I could get bored in the water, but, it's happening. 2012 has been a tough year for me. I was admitted into the hospital in ICU with severe pneumonia, severe sepsis, multiple organ failure and I even had a stroke. This was in April. I was in a coma for 21 days. I died on the ER table and had to be resuscitated. I pulled through and was eventually admitted to an inpatient care facility to learn to walk, talk, feed myself, etc. I harassesed the therapists daily to let me get in the water!!! I could NOT wait to get back in the pool!!! Well, June comes and I'm in the water. Start back slow with easy workouts. 1200-1600 meters max. I eventually work up to my usual 2500-3000/day. Then, I notice in Sept., I am literally dreading going in for my workout. I put my fins on and coast through the whole thing just to get done and get out. WAY not normal for me. Now, I have severe Rheumatoid Arthritis. I swim cause it is supposedly the easiest on the joints, but lately, I'm having problems with swimming and my RA. I flare and can't move in the water, which then frustrates me, and then makes not want to swim. I used to do two workouts a day...I would swim and then do Power 90 (the baby version of P90X). But, doing that is what put me in the hospital. The doctors said I wore my body down so much that it could not fight off any infection. I have to take chemo meds to control my RA, which pretty much kills my immune system. Basically, I'm not sure what to do. I LOVE swimming. I love the water. I love the glide. I love the feeling of freeness that swimming provides. But, I just don't love it anymore....I hope that makes sense. Have any of you felt this way? How did you get past it? Is it just a funk? Should I take some time away from the pool? Thank you in advance!!!