Psychology of Masters Swimming - Your Input Please

I don't know exactly if this helps, but here it is: I started swimming competitively when I was 5-6 years old. I loved the water but didn't enjoy the competition. I didn't like having all the focus on me and was anxious that in swimming you only have one chance, whereas in soccer or lacrosse (my other passions) you can always make a comeback. Swimming was just something I had to do because my parents made me. I didn't love it. None of my friends swam so socially it wasn't that fun because I never got very close with any other people on my team. This feeling continued through High School. I was a decent swimmer, not great, probably average or a hair above, but by no means phenomenal. In 2007 (at the age of 17) I was in a really bad car accident leaving me with permanent back damage and pain. Soccer and Lacrosse became out of the question as the resulting pain from running and getting hit was too intense. Swimming became the only sport I could really do tolerably. I began to excel, and finished high school being one of the top swimmers in my division. Last year I took a break from swimming due to pain. I became very out of shape, lost probably about 20lbs, and just wasn't happy. I realized that the pain being out of shape and inactive was about the same as being in shape and swimming. I started swimming again, and now I'm doing 3000-4000 yards per day. It's not easy since I'm in college, taking 6 classes and 2 labs, onto of an internship. Scheduling can be hard, but I make it work- even if I end my workout at 10:30 at night. As depressing as my back situation sounds, I has had it's benefits. It tore away the reasons covering my enjoyment of swimming. The anxiety and the social concerns, etc. It made me realize that I actually like the sport for what it was and that the things I didn't like were ancillary. I live a very busy life, and swimming is my way to let out all that tension. I can swim and think about nothing, and it's a great feeling. Motivation can be tough, but I know this really is one of the only physical activities I can still do without being in excruciating pain. Soccer, Skiing, Swimming, Tennis- even Golf just are not feasible. I think another source of motivation for me is my regret that I didn't enjoy and appreciate swimming when I was younger. I feel like I would be a better swimmer and somehow a better person had I realized my enjoyment of the sport at an earlier age. I'm currently not competing. I think I have this fear that I will never be as good as I was in high school. I think it's a little irrational, considering I'm only 21 and could have been swimming for a college team. I certainly still have plenty of potential left. There is also the time factor though. I'm not sure my schedule is flexible enough to fit in meets. I guess the major things I have to manage are: Time, motivation, regret, and chronic pain

I don't know exactly if this helps, but here it is: I started swimming competitively when I was 5-6 years old. I loved the water but didn't enjoy the competition. I didn't like having all the focus on me and was anxious that in swimming you only have one chance, whereas in soccer or lacrosse (my other passions) you can always make a comeback. Swimming was just something I had to do because my parents made me. I didn't love it. None of my friends swam so socially it wasn't that fun because I never got very close with any other people on my team. This feeling continued through High School. I was a decent swimmer, not great, probably average or a hair above, but by no means phenomenal. In 2007 (at the age of 17) I was in a really bad car accident leaving me with permanent back damage and pain. Soccer and Lacrosse became out of the question as the resulting pain from running and getting hit was too intense. Swimming became the only sport I could really do tolerably. I began to excel, and finished high school being one of the top swimmers in my division. Last year I took a break from swimming due to pain. I became very out of shape, lost probably about 20lbs, and just wasn't happy. I realized that the pain being out of shape and inactive was about the same as being in shape and swimming. I started swimming again, and now I'm doing 3000-4000 yards per day. It's not easy since I'm in college, taking 6 classes and 2 labs, onto of an internship. Scheduling can be hard, but I make it work- even if I end my workout at 10:30 at night. As depressing as my back situation sounds, I has had it's benefits. It tore away the reasons covering my enjoyment of swimming. The anxiety and the social concerns, etc. It made me realize that I actually like the sport for what it was and that the things I didn't like were ancillary. I live a very busy life, and swimming is my way to let out all that tension. I can swim and think about nothing, and it's a great feeling. Motivation can be tough, but I know this really is one of the only physical activities I can still do without being in excruciating pain. Soccer, Skiing, Swimming, Tennis- even Golf just are not feasible. I think another source of motivation for me is my regret that I didn't enjoy and appreciate swimming when I was younger. I feel like I would be a better swimmer and somehow a better person had I realized my enjoyment of the sport at an earlier age. I'm currently not competing. I think I have this fear that I will never be as good as I was in high school. I think it's a little irrational, considering I'm only 21 and could have been swimming for a college team. I certainly still have plenty of potential left. There is also the time factor though. I'm not sure my schedule is flexible enough to fit in meets. I guess the major things I have to manage are: Time, motivation, regret, and chronic pain