2011 WSJ Article: A Workout Ate My Marriage

Whether it is "incredibly selfish" will depend on the context and I'm not willing to generalize further than that. 14-20 hours per week training, 5-12K for a bike, 600 dollar racing fees, all on top of a full-time job...the only context in which that wouldn't be selfish, is if your family didn't like you (or if you were independently wealthy).

I'm so ashamed that knelson has come to my defense - befriended by a commie, the death sentence for an Ayn Rand devotee. Sorry about that, comrade.

14-20 hours per week training, 5-12K for a bike, 600 dollar racing fees, all on top of a full-time job...the only context in which that wouldn't be selfish, is if your family didn't like you (or if you were independently wealthy). Here are some others: -- no kids (or unmarried, for that matter), or kids are grown up and moved on -- your wife trains with you, or trains mostly the same times as you do -- you do the bulk of your training in the morning hours or during lunch breaks or on weekends, or in some other manner that doesn't take too much time away from family -- you make money at it -- you don't, in fact, have a full-time job I have no interest in IMs and I do think that many practitioners are too obsessive about it. I have seen my share of broken marriages due to the "triathlete widow" (or even the "triathlete affair") syndrome. But some people also manage it just fine with a full-time job and while being good parents/spouses. And I certainly do not think the article was IM-specific, either. In fact, the sub-title mentions the English Channel, not Kona.

It is unfortunate that since the forces of evil, led by Chris and Chaos, banned the tech suits and Torres has gone into seclusion, we are are forced to argue the merits of Del Boca Vista living.

I am really tired of all the side-jabs at ElaineK (about her fonts and smilies, husband, where she lives, how she deals with the noodlers, etc.) in this thread and elsewhere. I wish the moderators would be a little more active in talking privately to the perpetrators and asking them to stop. This is an interesting thread that I'd like to follow without having to read about others' personal gripes about other forumites. But in case the moderators don't want to do this, I'd like to ask, please, that it be stopped. It isn't funny and it certainly isn't about swimming. I have to agree as well. As I am becoming active on this forum, I have noticed this too...and I don't appreciate it. Both ElaineK and her husband are wonderful people and I feel lucky to know them. She is an awesome swimmer and trains very hard. Her enthusiasm for swimmming inspires me.

I think this article deals more with Ironman. I have done (and I use that term loosely) 5 of them. To do one of these properly (never done by me) is, in my opinion, an incredibly selfish endeavor, especially if you have a family. One- sport pursuits are much more reasonable (unless combined with trolling the forums:)). I agree that training for an Ironman is a lot more time-consuming than training for swimming. I swim at a pool where there are a lot of triathletes; they always seem to be either swimming before or after another workout. I always wonder if they have families who support their decision to train. I like to exercise, but I like to spend time with my family more.

Precisely. It was hysterical, as are many of his posts and jabs. And, honestly, active adult communities are frequently the butt of jokes, are they not? I guess over the years I've gotten used to the banter and back and forth on the forums. To quote Geek, there is no "nicey mcnice" requirement. People are allowed to dislike fonts and smilies (and love old fashioned arguments), just as people are allowed to dislike Geek. One can always use the ignore function. It also takes awhile to get used to the on line personalities, which don't always correspond to the in person personalities. Why, it took me at least a year to get used to and recognize our poor banned Gull's sarcasm or to recognize that Geek was just joshing when he called me a "bar maid" for months. And some posters still don't get my Jimslie at all. Moreover, while Elaine can be very sweet and encouraging, I think she also can be an agent provocateur, thread hijacker and downright astonishing to some. Since you ignored my PM and thus my attempt not to clutter up this thread with more off-topic posts, I'll reply here, but I'm going to try to make it my last one. I am not saying that you have to be nice all of the time, or agree all of the time, and I don't have any problem with your online personality or with Geek's online personality. I think both of you make a lot of interesting swimming-related posts. What I have a problem with is your going out of your way to bring up issues about Elaine, again and again. That is, you don't have to be nice, but you don't have to go out of your way to be snide either. If it was just once or twice, it wouldn't be so bad, but it's gotten really tiresome, many posts over many months. And I am sorry, but it feels like playground bullying to me. So, I would respectfully ask, now for the third time: please stop.

I think any activity done in excess is bad for marrige and family life. I've seen couples broken by partying/drinking, training (swimming/ running/basketball/ soccer, etc), and working too many hours. I know from experience that throwing a bunch of kids on top the mix makes the balancing act quadruple at least. Probably the only thing worse than suffering through an unbalanced marrige is raising 3 kids alone. It sucks.

I will take a contrary view on fit families. If it weren't for fitness my family would be like ships passing in the night. It is something we can all do together, and a common bond. There are definitely times when I have pushed it a bit far but, for the most part, it is something we share, all four of us. And, there's nothing like a good intra-familiar rivalry on results.

Here are some others: -- no kids (or unmarried, for that matter), or kids are grown up and moved on -- your wife trains with you, or trains mostly the same times as you do -- you do the bulk of your training in the morning hours or during lunch breaks or on weekends, or in some other manner that doesn't take too much time away from family -- you make money at it -- you don't, in fact, have a full-time job I have no interest in IMs and I do think that many practitioners are too obsessive about it. I have seen my share of broken marriages due to the "triathlete widow" (or even the "triathlete affair") syndrome. But some people also manage it just fine with a full-time job and while being good parents/spouses. And I certainly do not think the article was IM-specific, either. In fact, the sub-title mentions the English Channel, not Kona. I agree with Chris. My sister and brother-in-law do IMs. They try for a minimum of 1 per year in addition to multiple halfs. For them, they train together, no kids and they are able to afford them plus the travel. Their last IM was an 8 hour drive from home. Usually they fly to their destinations and have to fly their bikes as well. Both of them work full-time in management jobs but train early in the day and after work. They also do lots of training time on the weekends and have a tri coach gearing them towards what to train and when. Training for one does take a lot of time but they manage to do it and balance each other, their jobs and their friends.