Age Group Advice - PASSION?

I agree with much of the sentiment posted so far--especially about letting the coaches do the coaching (with the appropriate level of "push") and parents do the parenting. Too many parents think their kid is not getting their due attention from the coach. Most coaches make a great deal of effort to challenge each of their athletes in the most appropriate manner for the individual. This is no easy job, so there may be times when coaches miss something, but parents should not try to fill that gap. Parents should bring their concerns to the coach--and then be prepared for honest feedback from the coach! I've seen many parents shocked to learn that little Sally does not want to work harder and is being encouraged to just have fun. Of course, mom & dad think Sally is just about the best swimmer on the team. Reality checks can be a good thing for both swimmers and parents.

Please don't push! Remember the bigger picture. Your longterm relationship with your child is the most precious thing you have to offer. Ulimately, it is always their choice and always will be - make sure they feel listened to, supported, encouraged, and connected to you, regardless of performance. Great advice. Ages 8 thru 12 should be spent having fun and making stroke improvements. Teenage years is when the choice can be made to get serious. 13 to 17 is a big window of time to become scholarship material ...or beyond.

With the exception of the Boston Red Sox Logo, FOrtress is right on the money. My 7 year old is in the swimming program with other 7 year olds (very competitive age group team). It SHOULD BE ALL ABOUT FUN. If he wants 2 times a week great. If he wants to blow it off one day, fine by me. Kids that start young are in grave danger of burning out. Also...don;t let the team pressure you into year round participation! There is a season for everything. PS--Kurt Grote started swimming at age 15!!! Here, here! The kids have to want to do it for the right reasons. My 10 year-old told me after spring clinic that he wasn't sure he wanted to swim this fall. We talked about why (wanted to spend more time hanging out with non-swim friends) and he agreed to swim summer team because the season is short and he only had to race 50s. We let him skip summer practice as desired--just so long as he went 1-2 times per week. By the end of the season he was talking to me about not being in the "fast heats" and I told him the coaches were not going to put him in the fast heats just because he's a nice kid. He'd have to earn it if he wanted it. The coaches knew he was in danger of giving up swimming, so they weren't pusing him hard, nor were they rewarding him for slacking off. Fast forward to champs, and he swam his fastest 50 free to date (after only making the "B" cut) and was talking about which practice group he was going to make for winter team. He's swimming now beacuse he wants to, not becuase I'm making him. Letting them be kids is important. So is teaching them about committment and hard work. Parents have to help them balance these two (at times) opposing forces.

Fortunately, the experiences of competitive swimming families, including most of my friends with teenage kids, here in Charlotte are much different. If you aren't having fun doing a sport, what is the point? Grueling, hard, difficult, definitely but also fun. I'm glad the fun police haven't busted the programs we have here on felony charges of assault with a dreadful swim team. I wasn't referring to running around the backyard as a way that families can enjoy fitness together, although I guess that's fine. There are competitive family triathlons, bike events, family running races, swim events, etc, weekly here we do together, same as most cities.

Letting them be kids is important. So is teaching them about committment and hard work. Parents have to help them balance these two (at times) opposing forces. That's the only thing I mandated with my daughter when she whined about wanting to give up soccer, so she could do a bigger part in the ballet. I told her she doesn't get to ditch her team halfway through the season--I don't think that's pushing I think that's teaching her commitment and respect. Of course after we highlighted how her social life will be impacted if she's not with the team too, she weighed it all up a little more. It's great she's in the Nutcracker but I don't want her to blow off one thing just to get a bigger part in the show. After the final curtain comes down then she'd be moaning about giving up soccer. If she really doesn't want to play that's fine but she has to make the call before the season starts. I honestly don't think there is anything wrong with helping your kids with a sport in your spare time if they want to listen, and you're not contradicting the coach. You just can do it from the sideline etc. If I see something I don't like, I ask my kid if that's what the coach showed them...invariably it isn't and it's a skill or something you can help with. Maybe I'm different like that, I ask her what the coach said to do etc and, I know the coach too and know how he teaches them--which helps.

Fortunately, the experiences of competitive swimming families, including most of my friends with teenage kids, here in Charlotte are much different. If you aren't having fun doing a sport, what is the point? Grueling, hard, difficult, definitely but also fun. I'm glad the fun police haven't busted the programs we have here on felony charges of assault with a dreadful swim team. I wasn't referring to running around the backyard as a way that families can enjoy fitness together, although I guess that's fine. There are competitive family triathlons, bike events, family running races, swim events, etc, weekly here we do together, same as most cities. That's what I said: "fun" but also "grueling, hard and difficult" at times. So it appears we're in agreement and there is no difference between area teams. A kid cannot continue in a sport if it is not also fun. But presumably, unless you have a teflon kid or the mini-geeks are the best of the best of the best, there will inevitably be some disappointments or setbacks or injuries. For example, meets are fun. But becoming very ill before or during a big, long-anticipated meet or race is not fun. Though the adversity may reap other valuable life lessons. Thanks for the attempted education on workouts. I've done plenty of family aquathlons, road races, turkey trots and fun runs. The little one just did her third one mile fun run. We're already planning the annual family turkey trot. Family or competitive fun is not the exclusive domain of Charlotte natives. Although brick walls may be.

You win, I agree, peace out. I shouldn't have abandoned my self imposed rule.

I'm with Dorothy. Encourage what he's doing but don't put pressure on him. Not at his age. I swim with an age group team and I see the pusy parents and I hear what their kids say when they can't hear. It's not nice. One mom even drives me crazy! Tell him he's doing great and maybe give him incentives like a computer game for getting A times or something like that but don't push. I swam up until college and I can't remember my parents pushing me ever - and they are pretty competitive. I just loved the sport and loved being there so I didn't need pushing. Same with my ballet. Good luck. Sounds like you have a good swimmer on your hands. Alison

Why thank you. You are very gracious in defeat. I'll just agree with you next time, so you won't have to bow out or ruin your self-imposed discipline.

Wow, interesting responses so far. I have always been against "pushing" kids in sports. I can see signing them up and making them try something if they are the type of kid that never wants to do anything. But pushing kids to excel seems both pushy and probably futile. Most cases of parent "pushing" I've witnessed have been much more about the parent's competitive drive and passion than the kid's. Those are parents you want to hand a suit to and tell THEM to get in the water. I didn't even start swimming year-round until I was a freshman in high-school and my parents supported me 100% but never ever pushed. I ended up swimming at the National level and in college as well. I think my passion came from being pretty good and being very competitive by nature. Everyone's different, but I just don't see passion being forced on anyone...