This weekend was our Pacific Masters Championships. It was a close battle between WCM and USF and I don't know who won at this very moment. I don't care.
You see, I left right before the 1000 today (the last event) right after the last relays. I watched some great swims today. Amazing swims. My friend Brendon swam a 2:03 200 fly and really hit his taper (as he's not going to Nationals)- we were teasing about how he does really well the week after a tapered meet. He seemed to finally figure it out this time.
My friend Stephen called me tonight and told me that Brendon also had a great 1000, was warming down, had a heart attack and died. He was 35. I was stunned. I've been crying since then trying to make sense of it all. It doesn't make sense.
I called some other friends and no one else can believe it either. Suddenly, the meet doesn't matter, swimming doesn't matter, what matters is that we lost a really great guy today. He was always so happy, funny, and loved to tell jokes. He was really good natured and fun to be around. I will miss him terribly.
Ah...that is really sad. What a shock for it to happen to someone so young. My prayers are with you, your teammates, and of course his family and loved ones.
Karen - when I lost my two family members in March; especially after the first death, I found myself getting really angry. But I couldn't figure out who I was mad at - it wasn't George (person who died); it wasn't my husband or coworkers or friends or anyone else. What I ended up figuring out was that it wasn't really anger I was experiencing - it was a lack of tolerance for what's petty in this life. I guess if I could tag an emotion to it it would look something like impatience, rather than anger.
And, for me, the thought that kept running through my head was "life is too short", which was followed by - "I don't care anymore about all of the petty crap I used to think was so important".....well, because life is too short.
I also found myself really, really tired a lot of the time and wanting to sleep. It was also hard to focus at work and I would forget what I was going to say mid sentence, or I would loose my keys, etc.
So go easy on yourself if you find that this is happening. I found out it is totally normal to behave/feel this way when you loose someone.
Sometimes it takes a story like this to remind us of our own mortality. One of my favorite movie lines is: "Life goes by faster than any summer vacation." Lately when I swim I feel like I'm chasing youth and trying to stay ahead of aging. I have a pretty good idea who will win, but I won't go down without a fight.
Exactly! Who wants to be on their death bed thinking, "Gee, I wish I had spent more time worrying about what my co-workers thought of me...." or "Gee, I wish I had watched more television."
