Humor In Swimming

probably cause the rules say no ...obscene... etc... posts :D At least we stopped fighting... for now. ;)

Originally posted by Tom Ellison I took my sweats off, had my goggles in my hand and my big beach towel over my shoulder and I just walked out of the locker room buck naked onto deck …Too much information here for the imagination. :D Moving right along, here's a few for a laugh or two. One of the lifeguards at our pool, who plays water polo in high school, asked our coach if he could work out with us, although he's not old enough to join USMS, for stroke improvement. Last Thursday night, he shows up for practice, wearing a slightly customized Speedo. The coach's daughter (20) who swims in USMS immediately pointed the customization out to him. He had two holes in the rear end of his suit and his left cheek was clearly in view. Good thing someone had a spare suit. Dorothy, two of my teammates remind me that I used to be big time in missing heats. I thought that I had this well under control this season after almost missing a heat in October. (It was my first 100 free.) I did miss that heat, but got re-seeded ... with the ladies. :D Anyway, in February I was trying very hard to pay attention. I walked up to the block prior to my heat and at the last moment, started to adjust my goggles. No goggles! I had left the goggles with my stuff and I wear contact lenses, so I had to sit that one out. Then there was the time I was demonstrating a stroke to one of the kids to whom I teach basic swim lessons. (I wear board shorts over another suit because I will often sit down on the floor of our rec. pool when working with smaller kids.) This particular lesson was in the lap pool, so I dived off the wall at the deep end to do the demonstration. It must have been a pretthy good dive, I left the board shorts behind me. Thank goodness for wearing two suits. Finally, last year, the Aquatics Director at our pool, who wandered in during one of our practices told me that my crack was showing. I checked and thought my rear was covered. Well ... not quite. Seems that the Lycra in the suit had finally separated and everyone had something to crack up about.

Originally posted by aquageek And, I was recently reminded of the rules. Well, we all desrved it... well most of us who got into it. I don't mind. I knew I was pushing it. Now it's time to back off, and cooperate wit the rules, after all, we got aggrivated taht he comes across so anti USMS. Aggrivation aside, we need to cabk off, and follow the rules... Not having our opposing friend here is certainly helping stay calm. As Tom recently stated, the recent discussions certainly left a lot of raw feelings. So, even though its' understandable that a lot if people got riled up, it still doesn't excuse anyone, our friend, or us going overboard. I wouldn't take it too much to heart. The administrators do what they need to do, to make it fair and objective... for everyone. Time to take a deep breath and let go, move on.

i posted this one before ...ill tell it again'''i'd had a good swim and being a reasonable chap decidedto hit the showers...i saw two nice...understatement...gorgeous women showering already..(.the communal showers permit both male and female showering)_i thought i'll play this one cool and stroll up real coooool like.....the next thing i knew i was sliding very fast on soapy water towards the shower i had chosen!!!!!!!!!!!feeling like i was about to fall...i waved my arms about trying to regain balance as i slid at 30kmph...just then i stopped...took my shower///the girls looked at each other...nothing said...being a guy i finished first(no pun intended)_then vacated the shower area...only to hear fits of laughter!!!!!!!!!then one said to the other...i'd have given him ccpr...my ego RESTORED......LOL

As long as the door has been opened by Backman... This happened back in the '80s while I was still managing athletic and recreation facilities at the University of Houston. One day one of my lifeguards called me to indicate he was having a problem with a stubborn lady smoking a cigarette in the indoor pool area - his manager wasn't around and he wanted to know what to do. I went over to the pool to investigate. 50ish, stylishly dressed and impeccably coifed, this woman was sitting on the bleachers beside the pool just fuming away. I went down there and politely informed her that smoking was prohibited anywhere within the athletic complex, pointing out the big "Swimmers at Work - Positively No Smoking" sign. I indicated that she would have to take it outside. While there were a couple divers at the far end of the natorium stretching, swim workout wasn't due for another 30 minutes and there were no swimmers actually in the pool at the time. She indicated as much, saying that I had no right to tell her when or where she could smoke - not only was she not going to take it outside, she was going to sit there and smoke it down to the filter, then light up another one while she waited for her friend to meet her. Somewhat taken aback, I indicated that if she refused to leave or put out the cigarette I would have to call Campus Police. "Do what you have to do, young man," she said, punctuating it with another drag on on her cigarette. I shrugged my shoulders, turned and headed across the deck toward the hotline phone. All of a sudden, something stirred within me, presenting me with a flash of inspiration that put an impish smile on my face. I stopped mid-deck, put my hands in my pockets and slowly turned to saunter back across the deck, biding my time as my newly inspired response to her afront gathered coherence and force. I could see, through her noxious cloud, the puzzled look on her face as I approached. She looked even more surprised when I sat down right beside her and then scooted even closer. I said "You know, you're right. I don't know what I was thinking. Feel free to stay here as long as you like." With that, I leaned away from her, lifting one cheek in her direction and proceeded to rip off the longest, most impressive gaseous expression you could imagine - a real window rattler. With jaw dropped and eyelids peeled back she lept off the bleacher and before the reverberations ceased she was scurrying out the door, trailing wisps of smoke all the way. From the other end of the pool I heard clapping, laughing and hoots from the divers. It just goes to show - you never know when a big evening meal of pintos, onions and cheese will come in handy. Over the years there have been numerous situations where I would have loved to again been able to conjure up such an offering for a smoker inflicting his/her habit on others in inappropriate places. But it was too perfect to ever be granted me again. It was unprofessional, I know - adolescent even. But I never saw that lady in the facility again. There is one thing I'd change, though, if I had it to do over again - I think I'd ask her to pull my finger.

I for one, now stand in awe of Emmett, and, at the earliest opportunity, will gladly lead a chorus of Bronx cheers in appreciation of his efforts. Who ever said that flatulance will get you nowhere?

Good thing, Emmett, she wasn't lighting up. That could have brought in the fire department. That was definitely not an SBD, but a WMD ... weapon of mass destruction. Small print department: No finger-pulling contests on deck at Nationals. Promise everyone?

I'd bet most of us get pretty nervous before a meet and HAVE to go to the bathroom before the first event. I had a teamate who got real nervous--once he came out of the bathroom with a VERY drained look on his face. He said "I think I just gave birth!" I said, "Like father, like son"

Originally posted by old dog I'd bet most of us get pretty nervous before a meet and HAVE to go to the bathroom before the first event. I had a teamate who got real nervous--once he came out of the bathroom with a VERY drained look on his face. He said "I think I just gave birth!" I said, "Like father, like son" Hmm ... wonder if it's catching down here?

Emmett, My dog is wondering why I am staring into the screen with tears in my eyes. I would have laughed, roaring out loud but the whole house is asleep. No ab work necessary today.:D