Pools? There are no pools in heaven, but there are endless vistas of open water to swim in with no sharks, jellyfish, drunks in boats, or pollution. There are mermaids, too. The weather is always 80 degrees and sunny and the water is always 72 degrees and clear as gin. The lifeguards are the female cast members of "Baywatch" and they sometimes give you mouth-to-mouth resuscitation (sp?), even if you don't need it, because they are SO devoted to their jobs. Especially Alexandra Paul - she is the most devoted lifeguard of all. After your swim and the massage (of course), you have your choice of Indian, Thai, Mexican or Italian restaurants -all vegetarian - where you are comp'ed because open water swimming is the official sport of heaven (so are racewalking and ultramarathoning and volleyball) and you are such a stud muffin. After dinner, it's on to a concert where you have a choice of Bruce Springsteen, James Brown, Frank Zappa, Grey Eye Glances, or Pink Floyd, depending on your mood.
Here's the kicker: Tomorrow will be even better as it starts with Janine Turner waking you up, sotto voce, gently reminding you that you are due in Olso to accept the Nobel Peace and Physics prizes.
Trust me. I am a legally ordained minister in a tax-dodge church and know these things.
-Rev. Jansen, ULC, Pastor, St. Bridget Fonda's Church and Home for Wayward Swimmers.
In my heaven, i would still live here in Wales, but i would have my own 50m pool just outside, with hot tub and always on call massage therapist.
I would spend more time with my wife and kids ( 5pm witching hour excepted).
I would swim in the 150 yd pool at Kit's beach in Vancouver, relax on the beach with my Starbucks chocolate brownie frappuchino with extra espresso shot, Ski in Whistler. Damn, i used to be able to do all that, but i left Canada!!
I would watch videos of 'head-up breaststrokers' and 'water aerobes' steadily COOKING in swimming pools where the water temperature was steadily increased until they FINALLY stopped winging about being too cold ! Done pink like Lobster !
Oh, and of course i would wake up to find that by some miracle i was the fastest swimmer on the planet.
Don't rememeber Dante talking about pools in paradise,no Italiano. Maybe, Johnny Weismuller will greet us in his Tarzan lion's cloth instead of St Peter.
I'd be a world class swimmer like Janet Evans and have the body of Jennifer Garner....
Sigh....a girl can dream can't she?
That's part of why we call it Heaven, isn't it? hee hee
