Ok, here it is. This takes a serious amount of courage for me to post this due to the obvious shame if feel here, but, I think it may help someone out there who is also experiencing the same type of situation..The following is an e-mail I wrote to Jim Thorton reaching out for him for guidance and help in this terrible time.
Jim:
I have not posted in two months now due to my severe depression. My wife of 25 years (whom I love dearly left me on 5 Aug.--no hope for our marriage). I attempted an honest crack at Jerry's way out that night...and one other time. So far this past two months I have spent one 12 day stint in the hospital and another week stint in the hospital attempting to deal with this very, very serious problem. To date, I have been unable to shake this thing. I see no hope for my life and frankly the pain and torment is so great that I really do not give a rat’s rear end about anything at this point. My problem is a simply one. I HATE being locked up..and all these units can do for guys like me is lock us up. Heck, I take Jerry's way any day to the padded cell stuff.
Any suggestions. Currently I am on Celexa and the pain and suffering are horrendous to say the least.
Kindest regards,
Tom Ellison
Former Member
Depression caused by inbalance, family situation, job or whatever is more disabling than a broken leg. Like swimming through mud uphill.
We Say Again
we are not your doctor. Treat everything said here with caution, and see your doctor!
With that said
When I was found single many moons ago
1. I became a PT monster. Then I was too tired at the end of the day to care about depression. Helps attracting the oppsite sex.
2. Get involved with something bigger than yourself. You have knowledge and experience (even painting a house for a disabled person, Drive a bus for a sunday school in the poor section of town) There is no shortage of work. Is a shortage of workers.
3. If you do not pray Start. If you do do more
4. By doing the above you will live well and that is the best revenge. This way the person who left you eat's their heart out. Takes a few years but it works.
5. Don't brag if you do refer to item #5.
I evaluated why I was single and found I basicly was a self serving legond in my own mind. Still am but I nolonger deny it.
Hey Doc:
I appreciated your input..As an old Marine Plt. Sgt. in Uncle Sam's Misguided Children back in 68-71 I love Doc's.
Your wisdom is well taken...Heck, until this junk, I took everything life had to offer full pop...straight on...with no problems...THis however, took me to my knees and the to the prone possition.
Hey, when one is on the deck...all the that can happen is thay go up the ladder way...or they get heaved over board. I have come seriously close to getting heaved over board....but still find my slef standing up on deck...although a bit battered these past four months.
In all honestly...every second of the day is a chore to get through...It is haunting and keeps nawing at my soul all the time.
I'd take the stuff I saw in the corps all over agin twenty five times over before going through this past four months again.
I keep busy, and just now I am able to think about once more getting back into the job market.
Doc, thank you for you advice...I appreciate the words of wisdom...esp from a USN Doc...
Kindest regards,
Tom Ellison
Sgt
USNR Doc no claim to greatness. Uncle Sam financed my midlife crisis. Repelling down a hill while getting paid is more profitable than buying a red sports car and chasing my lost youth.
68 - 71 you forgotton more than I know. Includes 14 years as a Vol Firefighter.
Roger that on getting through the day as a chore. I found nights were hardest. This is why I did the PT Monster stuff in the AM and the charity work later. You cannot eliminate the silent moments but simply reduce them.
I'm looking at two years being away from my family due to my employer outsourcing my job and transferring me. No ship with 1000 lance criminals in the same position all of us fussin. (Family cannot move for medical reasons)
Able to stall it but the best thing was to create a plan of what I will do when I get there.
1. PT Monster
2. Donate time to groups (no shortage there)
3. do not own a vehicle. Walk to everywhere I go thus burn calories and time and save money. (Since I am married again I could care less about impressing the oppsite sex)
Still did not eliminate the depression of a seperation however when I had a plan I felt better.
It does get better but slowly and you have to assualt through many times to get there.
Do not make any life changing decisions for a year.
Late Marine
