Depression

Tom Ellison - Thank you for having the strength and fortitude to step out from the sterotypic "shame" of depression. Even in this time of difficulty you show you are a leader. The Medical types in this discussion can shed light on my point: Please keep swimming! There was a period when I had lost my job, lost my relationship of 3 years (who then took our dog) and faced a future of uncertainty . It was my lowest point in my life. Amongst my friends providing me support was my RN mother who paid for my YMCA membership and begged me to swim again - only one half-hour/day. Later she explained to me that the light excersize releases nuero-chemicals that help, help people think, focus, and also combat depression. She warned me against going beserk in the pool - to only focus on "cruising" as she put it - feel the water and pay attention to how your body feels as your arm strokes take you from one side to the next. I eventually "trained" myself to focus on that rythym and how it felt to glide through the water. I am better today - I think in part b/c I swam that measily 800yds/day. I think it slowly helped me change my thinking. But I will never forget that darkness or the hopelessness... I hope this provides you with some support and guidance along with some of the other contributors. No matter what combination of tools you choose to use (medications, reaching out, humor, light excersize, hobby work), in my mind you already proven you have the tools within you to get through this. Regards, Chris Beardsley

Hey Tom, At 21 I've been through things like this too many times to think about. At about the age of 11 I essentially gave up- for various reasons that still haunt me 10 years later. My advice is to find a good friend who can be there for you as that is what worked for me back in the day- in fact it was a friend who knew me so well that he knew the best way to get through to me was to do things to piss me off. Not always the recommended way of dealing with people but it worked with me. Now I'm borderline manic depressive but am not taking drugs due to some bad reactions but at the moment I wish I was- I'm moving in two and a half weeks to LA from Tucson for a job that supposedly will further my career but will have me 500 miles from the one person I love and I don't know how to explain to everyone here why I keep bursting out in tears every 10 minutes. But you will get through this as will I. But honestly- find a friend you can pour your heart out to even at 2 am because even if they aren't offering advice in some ways you'll feel better knowing that somebody is aware of how you feel and what is going on. Good luck- also do try and get out and swim or do something else. Swimming and rock climbing are my ways of venting frustration and stress when I need to . . . .

I went back to the pool yesterday and swam 3000. Again today as well and went near 3000. Chris, you are right, it does/will help. I will continue to do so. I want to thank everyone for thier kind support, Prayers, private e-mails, posts and the outpouring of suggestions, advide, life stories and compassion. Not only am I touched by this, I am humbled to be a part of such a fine group of people. You HAVE made a difference. Thank you...thank you very much...

Dear Anonymous Bob-- Thanks for an absolutely fantastic and inspiring post! Your grandkids are lucky to have you. It may seem almost like a cliche--and I don't mean to suggest that suffering is ever a good thing for its own sake--but perhaps character really is forged to some extent by adversity. Thanks, truly, for sharing your experience. If depression has any gifts at all to bestow upon its victims, perhaps it is that once you have been there, you will forever have a capacity for empathy that no other experience can quite provide. So many of these posts epitomize this empathy and humanity. Thanks again to everyone who's joined in. And Tom: keep up the swimming!

My sole reason for posting here is to share my life story to hopefully enable another human being to continue to cope with their pain. So I begin: My family; mother, father, older brother, and I had lived a comfortable life till my father's business went bankrupt due to the economic times. I remember the Cadillac car, and the maid who came to clean. I also remember when the comfortable life ended and my parents couldn't pay the rent and would ask either my brother or myself to take the money to the agent when they scrapped together enough money; they were apparently too embarrassed. I remember when we never got new clothes, just hand me downs from a cousin. I remember the tattered rugs and the broken furniture. I remember the initial parties I went to in the 4th grade but couldn't or wouldn't host do to the fear of being embarrassed by our home. So I stopped going to parties and probably didn't socially develop as others. I remember when my mother was diagnosed with cancer and died when I was 14 years old after being in and out of hospitals for 4 or 5 years. I remember her accidentally opening the bathroom door when I must have been 9 years old and seeing the scars where her breasts had been removed. I remember that I had to fend for myself, if I didn't wash my own clothes I wore dirty clothes. I had mostly dirty underwear for all of my high school years. I remember not being able to socialize with girls in high school. I remember when my brother lost all his hair in high school. I remember that I didn't have one person over to our house all 4 years of high school. I remember the years when existentialism was popular and the most important question to that movement was whether to commit suicide or not. It was extremely appealing to me due to the few aspects of the life I described briefly above; getting it all over so as not to suffer any longer. I remember that I thought then: "What if this is the only chance I have to live? Maybe I should just try to live out my life and then die? So for whatever reasons I had then I choose life over death. There weren't the advances in medicine to treat depression then. So my brother and I choose to live rather than to die. He went through most of high school totally bald. Talk about feeling different. So what happened to us? He went to Harvard and became a professor; he is retired now and is 74 years old. I went to a lesser prestigious college and majored in math and physics and worked for IBM for upwards of 35 years. My career in IBM included management and representing IBM in Washington to a Congressionally chartered committee. I met the movers and shakers of the US; CEOs and the like. The most important thing I did though after deciding to live was to get married; we raised 4 sons, and now have 4 daughters-in-law and 11 grandchildren who we love deeply and profoundly. Oh, and when I retired from IBM I decided it was payback time for all that the US had done for me so I ran for political offices trying to save the world for our children and grandchildren. I ran for state office and other sundry positions. Oh, I never won. I checked out why and found out that the word on me was: "Bob, we can't vote for him; he's too honest---we can't trust him." I had the reputation of being a straight arrow. Remember this from a person who had seriously contemplated suicide. But enough of me. I hope that my brief account will bring hope to Tom that all is not lost. I also had failed romances that left me again contemplating suicide; I couldn't believe then and even now the intensity of the pain that these rejections caused me. But now I sometimes don't think of these women for years at a time. Finally, when I grew up in the forties and fifties there wasn't available the modern medicines that we have today. Perhaps I wouldn't have had to suffer then if the medicines were available. Sorry for the long posting but if it helps Tom in any way, shape, or form then I am happy I did it. Oh, I am going to be 72 next month. God bless you Tom….. From an anonymous friend called Bob.

Tom, Just a wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Also, a good book is "The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People" by David Niven Ph. D. Sincerely,

Bob, Jim and Chris...and all the other posts.. Thank you for your very kind posts. I am still here..and continue to bang away at getting through this. I am greatful for the support and kindness shown here... Sincerely, Tom

Tom, I was so glad to see your post and that you are still fighting the good fight. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. As you can see, there are many of us who want you to beat this. You will - it will take time - but ultimately you will win! I believe that.

Tom; I am a Psychiatrist as well as a swimmer. If you are still not finding the celexa very helpful ask your doctor about wellbutrin or effexor.Wellbutrin especially is often better for men than an SSRI like celexa.Male depression is more likely to be related to low brain norepinephrine,where as female depression is more often due to low seratonin I am praying for you.I also think that helps

I have been tuning in to this thread from time to time starting when it first appeared. I'm feeling like it's time to chime in and tell you, Tom, that you are in my thoughts and prayers also. You are showing a lot of courage and you'll get through this. I was diagnosed a couple of years ago with depression and sought counseling and am using medication. My depression was mild compared to what yours sounds like. I know how awful even a lesser form can be, so I can't imagine what things are like for you. Obviously, there are many people out there who are "with" ya- we are all thinking of you and saying prayers for you. I'm glad you reply now and then to update us. Take things day to day, or hour to hour if you have to...good luck and God Bless.