Ok, here it is. This takes a serious amount of courage for me to post this due to the obvious shame if feel here, but, I think it may help someone out there who is also experiencing the same type of situation..The following is an e-mail I wrote to Jim Thorton reaching out for him for guidance and help in this terrible time.
Jim:
I have not posted in two months now due to my severe depression. My wife of 25 years (whom I love dearly left me on 5 Aug.--no hope for our marriage). I attempted an honest crack at Jerry's way out that night...and one other time. So far this past two months I have spent one 12 day stint in the hospital and another week stint in the hospital attempting to deal with this very, very serious problem. To date, I have been unable to shake this thing. I see no hope for my life and frankly the pain and torment is so great that I really do not give a rat’s rear end about anything at this point. My problem is a simply one. I HATE being locked up..and all these units can do for guys like me is lock us up. Heck, I take Jerry's way any day to the padded cell stuff.
Any suggestions. Currently I am on Celexa and the pain and suffering are horrendous to say the least.
Kindest regards,
Tom Ellison
Parents
Former Member
I am thinking Tom, that your stated goal to swim the 1,650 freestyle at the Nationals in April 2003 in Tempe with the intention of "...busting 20..." minutes, might work against you.
The reason I write this, is that what topped all the losses you managed absorbing up to a moment, is the fact that you were in the middle of an 1,650 free and walked out of it;
this unleashed the pressure cumulating, waiting for a 'reason' to trigger the depression.
I figure that during that last 1,650 free you were burdened and swimming in a pathetic way at the 350 yards mark, then at the 383 yards mark, in what usually was a succesful part of your identity.
Swimming 1,650 free and "...busting 20..." minutes, requires a gritty effort, from a serene state of mind to build and to rebuild slowly.
In the incoming months from now, if I were in the same situation, I would compete in the 50 and 100 free.
They don't require a gritty effort like the 1,650 free, and they give instant gratification.
It's good for now.
I am thinking Tom, that your stated goal to swim the 1,650 freestyle at the Nationals in April 2003 in Tempe with the intention of "...busting 20..." minutes, might work against you.
The reason I write this, is that what topped all the losses you managed absorbing up to a moment, is the fact that you were in the middle of an 1,650 free and walked out of it;
this unleashed the pressure cumulating, waiting for a 'reason' to trigger the depression.
I figure that during that last 1,650 free you were burdened and swimming in a pathetic way at the 350 yards mark, then at the 383 yards mark, in what usually was a succesful part of your identity.
Swimming 1,650 free and "...busting 20..." minutes, requires a gritty effort, from a serene state of mind to build and to rebuild slowly.
In the incoming months from now, if I were in the same situation, I would compete in the 50 and 100 free.
They don't require a gritty effort like the 1,650 free, and they give instant gratification.
It's good for now.
