Ok, here it is. This takes a serious amount of courage for me to post this due to the obvious shame if feel here, but, I think it may help someone out there who is also experiencing the same type of situation..The following is an e-mail I wrote to Jim Thorton reaching out for him for guidance and help in this terrible time.
Jim:
I have not posted in two months now due to my severe depression. My wife of 25 years (whom I love dearly left me on 5 Aug.--no hope for our marriage). I attempted an honest crack at Jerry's way out that night...and one other time. So far this past two months I have spent one 12 day stint in the hospital and another week stint in the hospital attempting to deal with this very, very serious problem. To date, I have been unable to shake this thing. I see no hope for my life and frankly the pain and torment is so great that I really do not give a rat’s rear end about anything at this point. My problem is a simply one. I HATE being locked up..and all these units can do for guys like me is lock us up. Heck, I take Jerry's way any day to the padded cell stuff.
Any suggestions. Currently I am on Celexa and the pain and suffering are horrendous to say the least.
Kindest regards,
Tom Ellison
Parents
Former Member
Dearest Tom,
As with many who wrote here, you do not know me nor I you. However, I do know the dark place from which you are emerging. I, too, planned to take my life after my marriage of 20 years ended and I lost my father all within a few months of one another. The pain was so unbearable. I sat at my kitchen table with a bottle of pills laid out before me. I couldn't imagine feeling like that anymore. Somehow I realized that even if I killed my body, my soul would go on tortured and unresolved. Somehow, I found a way to choose to go on -- to fight and try to climb out of that dark pit. It was not an easy decision and the path was not without perile.
Tom, you need not feel shame with me. I would not presume to know how you feel, but I do understand the feeling of despair. I have been so fortunate to have found a wonderful therapist who has helped me to learn to love myself. To learn and know of my self worth. To know that I am only defined by me.
Tom, you are so valued. I truly hope that you will come to know this of yourself and find a way back to you. Know that you have a friend in me.
God bless you.
Dearest Tom,
As with many who wrote here, you do not know me nor I you. However, I do know the dark place from which you are emerging. I, too, planned to take my life after my marriage of 20 years ended and I lost my father all within a few months of one another. The pain was so unbearable. I sat at my kitchen table with a bottle of pills laid out before me. I couldn't imagine feeling like that anymore. Somehow I realized that even if I killed my body, my soul would go on tortured and unresolved. Somehow, I found a way to choose to go on -- to fight and try to climb out of that dark pit. It was not an easy decision and the path was not without perile.
Tom, you need not feel shame with me. I would not presume to know how you feel, but I do understand the feeling of despair. I have been so fortunate to have found a wonderful therapist who has helped me to learn to love myself. To learn and know of my self worth. To know that I am only defined by me.
Tom, you are so valued. I truly hope that you will come to know this of yourself and find a way back to you. Know that you have a friend in me.
God bless you.
