Ok, here it is. This takes a serious amount of courage for me to post this due to the obvious shame if feel here, but, I think it may help someone out there who is also experiencing the same type of situation..The following is an e-mail I wrote to Jim Thorton reaching out for him for guidance and help in this terrible time.
Jim:
I have not posted in two months now due to my severe depression. My wife of 25 years (whom I love dearly left me on 5 Aug.--no hope for our marriage). I attempted an honest crack at Jerry's way out that night...and one other time. So far this past two months I have spent one 12 day stint in the hospital and another week stint in the hospital attempting to deal with this very, very serious problem. To date, I have been unable to shake this thing. I see no hope for my life and frankly the pain and torment is so great that I really do not give a rat’s rear end about anything at this point. My problem is a simply one. I HATE being locked up..and all these units can do for guys like me is lock us up. Heck, I take Jerry's way any day to the padded cell stuff.
Any suggestions. Currently I am on Celexa and the pain and suffering are horrendous to say the least.
Kindest regards,
Tom Ellison
Parents
Former Member
Again I feel ashamed, deeply embarrassed and degraded by my actions. I had everything planned until my dear friends Charlie and Kate (young neighbors upstairs) walked around the corner from the parking lot while I was sitting in my lawn chair in front of my apt here in Fort Worth, ready to end my life. Right at that moment Charlie asked me what I was doing and obviously he already knew the answer to his question. To make a sorry story short, I gave Charlie the knife (per his request) and opted for medicine. By the time it was taking effect….the police arrived with an ambulance which took me to the hospital.
I was discharged yesterday evening. I am home…and frankly, do not want to travel that path again. I want to fight this darm thing, but often the pain and despair is simply awful and beats the stuffing out of me. Things are burnt in my brain that out weight my will to live.
I apologize to the entire USMS community for my sorry behavior. The only comfort I have at this point is found in the fact that for the first 52 ½ years of my life…I never quit anything…especially at life.
Thank you all for your prayers kindness, e-mails, support and cards.
Kindest regards,
Tom Ellison
Again I feel ashamed, deeply embarrassed and degraded by my actions. I had everything planned until my dear friends Charlie and Kate (young neighbors upstairs) walked around the corner from the parking lot while I was sitting in my lawn chair in front of my apt here in Fort Worth, ready to end my life. Right at that moment Charlie asked me what I was doing and obviously he already knew the answer to his question. To make a sorry story short, I gave Charlie the knife (per his request) and opted for medicine. By the time it was taking effect….the police arrived with an ambulance which took me to the hospital.
I was discharged yesterday evening. I am home…and frankly, do not want to travel that path again. I want to fight this darm thing, but often the pain and despair is simply awful and beats the stuffing out of me. Things are burnt in my brain that out weight my will to live.
I apologize to the entire USMS community for my sorry behavior. The only comfort I have at this point is found in the fact that for the first 52 ½ years of my life…I never quit anything…especially at life.
Thank you all for your prayers kindness, e-mails, support and cards.
Kindest regards,
Tom Ellison
