Ok, here it is. This takes a serious amount of courage for me to post this due to the obvious shame if feel here, but, I think it may help someone out there who is also experiencing the same type of situation..The following is an e-mail I wrote to Jim Thorton reaching out for him for guidance and help in this terrible time.
Jim:
I have not posted in two months now due to my severe depression. My wife of 25 years (whom I love dearly left me on 5 Aug.--no hope for our marriage). I attempted an honest crack at Jerry's way out that night...and one other time. So far this past two months I have spent one 12 day stint in the hospital and another week stint in the hospital attempting to deal with this very, very serious problem. To date, I have been unable to shake this thing. I see no hope for my life and frankly the pain and torment is so great that I really do not give a rat’s rear end about anything at this point. My problem is a simply one. I HATE being locked up..and all these units can do for guys like me is lock us up. Heck, I take Jerry's way any day to the padded cell stuff.
Any suggestions. Currently I am on Celexa and the pain and suffering are horrendous to say the least.
Kindest regards,
Tom Ellison
Tom - Continue to share your thoughts with us. One of the very very hardest parts is understanding and admitting that indeed, there is a problem. You are not the first, nor will you be the last person, to deal with a frightening ordeal like this. Many have come before and survived.
I was very close to someone who was dealing with depression and borderline personality disorder, and she spent several weeks in the hospital as a result. The subsequent emotionally destrictive crumbling of our relationship landed me in some short-term (but hopeless at the time) depression. For me, it look a lot of effort to finally go see someone who could help, and I got the help I needed.
The hopelessness is horrible. I still remember those long nights of deep deep hopelessness. What got me through was a good friend whom I trusted. Even though I was hopeless, I trusted that friend enough when she said there was hope. Even though I couldn't see it, if she could, that gave me the faintest glimmer of hope.
Don't be afraid or ashamed of yourself. You still have people around you who love you dearly. Try to reach out to them a bit.
What also helped me was that I had a small number of good friends that I could call on literally at any time. If the world started to spin around me, I could pick up the phone, and almost always find a friendly voice that I trusted, who could at least talk me through a small crisis.
Hang in there. It's not going to be easy. It's not always going to be fun. Depression is a disease, and it has terrible lows. But you _can_ get through this.
-Rick
Tom - Continue to share your thoughts with us. One of the very very hardest parts is understanding and admitting that indeed, there is a problem. You are not the first, nor will you be the last person, to deal with a frightening ordeal like this. Many have come before and survived.
I was very close to someone who was dealing with depression and borderline personality disorder, and she spent several weeks in the hospital as a result. The subsequent emotionally destrictive crumbling of our relationship landed me in some short-term (but hopeless at the time) depression. For me, it look a lot of effort to finally go see someone who could help, and I got the help I needed.
The hopelessness is horrible. I still remember those long nights of deep deep hopelessness. What got me through was a good friend whom I trusted. Even though I was hopeless, I trusted that friend enough when she said there was hope. Even though I couldn't see it, if she could, that gave me the faintest glimmer of hope.
Don't be afraid or ashamed of yourself. You still have people around you who love you dearly. Try to reach out to them a bit.
What also helped me was that I had a small number of good friends that I could call on literally at any time. If the world started to spin around me, I could pick up the phone, and almost always find a friendly voice that I trusted, who could at least talk me through a small crisis.
Hang in there. It's not going to be easy. It's not always going to be fun. Depression is a disease, and it has terrible lows. But you _can_ get through this.
-Rick
