Well, I'll give you the spoiler first--I did manage to swim two events beating my (admittedly conservative) seed times. And I met someone who put the whole thing in perspective--a cancer survivor.
That said, when this kind of thing happens, all the perspective in the world sometimes doesn't stop it. And it feels very scary to have this happen amid strangers. Fortunately, another swimmer saw that I was in distress and helped me get calm. And bless him for it!
I had missed an event I had planned to swim, and typically I like to get going as early in a meet as possible so I'm not just waiting and getting anxious. Having missed my event, I had a lot of bottled up nerves. There was a break after my event during which I was able to continue a warm-up, but not for long enough to really calm down. After the swimming started up again, I was feeling so close to melt-down that I wanted to just get away from the whole scene and forget the meet. But I also didn't partly because I'd already paid for it, partly because what would I tell my coach if I skipped out?
Fortunately, there was a longer break before my next event, and I had some more time to swim, which also helped.
When it was time for my next event, I was relieved mainly to be on deck and ready to go. At that point I didn't even care what my time would be. I just wanted to be there.
And swimming the race though hard physically was calming mentally. After that, things went smoothly enough and I swam the next event w/out incident.
A couple things might have been in play here: I'd just run hard the day before in a cross-country race. I didn't think that would affect me b/c the distance was relatively short. Also, I'm sloooooooow. Watching the other swimmers, I began thinking, "what am I even doing here?? These people have earned their right to swim in meets. I haven't." (This wasn't a championship meet, but people were turning in pretty fast times--way faster than anything I could do.) If I'd done that one I missed, even though the times were a lot faster than the one I'd entered as a seed time, at least I'd have done it and broken the ice, as it were.
In retrospect, yes, much good, but if I'm to swim in more meets (I've done them before--but it's been a while), I need to prevent this kind of anxiety so I'm focused on my swim and not on the nerves. So, note to self--1. Don't miss events; 2. This too will pass; 3. Don't worry about what other swimmers are doing; 4. Perspective.
Also I need to get faster. Yes, 2:03 for 100 free was better than my seed time of 2:09. But I still felt like a sore thumb when everyone else was doing sub-1:30 or sub-1:00 (although I didn't worry too much about the sub-1:00 people who are in a whole other class). This is what got me wondering if I had any right to be there. Yet my goal is to make a cut-off of an open water swim that I have my eyes on, so whatever way I can improve my speed, I need to do it. Interestingly, I don't get the nerves in o.w. swimming or in running events that I did in this meet. I think it's because the former two are in more spacious settings, allowing for more warm-up, more movement, less waiting. I seem also to do okay when there's a separate warm-up pool--but very enclosed, crowded situations feel foreign, since I didn't swim meets or participate on a team as a kid.
Okay, 'nuff said! I'm looking to move forward, yet also need a strategy to keep me calm in situations like this. I left the meet certain I'd NEVER do another meet. But I won't let this experience put me off them. Just wondering if others have had similar experiences--and how have you dealt with them?
Thank you all for the great comments!
Visualizing--Allen, I did that a lot for my long swim back in August, and it helped a lot. Even when I got seasick, I knew I'd be fine to finish, if not comfortable.
Stage fright--Denise, I think there is such a center stage feeling with swimming at a meet that doesn't happen out in the open. Odd, though--I've been in situations where I have to speak in front of people and while I won't say I'm not a bit nervous in those situations, I can usually do what I need to do. But the outside the comfort zone thing and the being tired from the day before (I didn't think I was all that tired, but the body's doing stuff behind the scenes that doesn't show up right away) no doubt did add up. But I'm not regretting the doubled up competition weekend. That xc meet was such a blast, it was probably worth the anxiety the next day, strangely enough, as I think of it.
Swimspire--I'll have a look at the article you posted as soon as I put this semester to bed, as it were! It sounds interesting! Glenn, so you know what I was dealing with. And I know what you mean about once you get going. I noticed that in both the events I did--as soon as I hit the water, it was just another 100 repeat in masters practice. (I chose to take my dive off the side--next meet, I'm aiming to get back on the block again, but decided to handle one fear at a time.) During the breaks when we could warm up, I also felt better, but somehow there's nothing like anaerobic effort to put my mind at rest (since I just can't think and breathe hard at the same time). Once the first event was done, I was cool for the second one.
Yes, I think I can get too focused on being surrounded by strangers, but the swimmer who helped me is a good reminder that people are only strangers temporarily. I find that if I'm at an open water swim or a running event, even indoor track, I can step away (and outdoors during indoor track meets) to run, stretch, do some strides, get away by myself--harder to do that at a pool. But that's why I'll need to rethink strategies to keep me calm at pool events, so I can be there for other swimmers who need some comforting.
The year I ran the New York City Marathon (a long time ago in 1991), I remember they had a "psyching team" of sport psychologists volunteering to talk runners through any anxiety they might be feeling. I wasn't feeling any anxiety that day, just excitement and anticipation that I'd get to see New York City in a whole different way. But I went to their booth to thank them for being there. Maybe other races (on land or water) might try recruiting volunteers for just such a purpose. I'm no professional psychologist, but I'd volunteer in a heartbeat if I'm not participating.
Thank you all for the great comments!
Visualizing--Allen, I did that a lot for my long swim back in August, and it helped a lot. Even when I got seasick, I knew I'd be fine to finish, if not comfortable.
Stage fright--Denise, I think there is such a center stage feeling with swimming at a meet that doesn't happen out in the open. Odd, though--I've been in situations where I have to speak in front of people and while I won't say I'm not a bit nervous in those situations, I can usually do what I need to do. But the outside the comfort zone thing and the being tired from the day before (I didn't think I was all that tired, but the body's doing stuff behind the scenes that doesn't show up right away) no doubt did add up. But I'm not regretting the doubled up competition weekend. That xc meet was such a blast, it was probably worth the anxiety the next day, strangely enough, as I think of it.
Swimspire--I'll have a look at the article you posted as soon as I put this semester to bed, as it were! It sounds interesting! Glenn, so you know what I was dealing with. And I know what you mean about once you get going. I noticed that in both the events I did--as soon as I hit the water, it was just another 100 repeat in masters practice. (I chose to take my dive off the side--next meet, I'm aiming to get back on the block again, but decided to handle one fear at a time.) During the breaks when we could warm up, I also felt better, but somehow there's nothing like anaerobic effort to put my mind at rest (since I just can't think and breathe hard at the same time). Once the first event was done, I was cool for the second one.
Yes, I think I can get too focused on being surrounded by strangers, but the swimmer who helped me is a good reminder that people are only strangers temporarily. I find that if I'm at an open water swim or a running event, even indoor track, I can step away (and outdoors during indoor track meets) to run, stretch, do some strides, get away by myself--harder to do that at a pool. But that's why I'll need to rethink strategies to keep me calm at pool events, so I can be there for other swimmers who need some comforting.
The year I ran the New York City Marathon (a long time ago in 1991), I remember they had a "psyching team" of sport psychologists volunteering to talk runners through any anxiety they might be feeling. I wasn't feeling any anxiety that day, just excitement and anticipation that I'd get to see New York City in a whole different way. But I went to their booth to thank them for being there. Maybe other races (on land or water) might try recruiting volunteers for just such a purpose. I'm no professional psychologist, but I'd volunteer in a heartbeat if I'm not participating.
