Okay, I'm in a complete funk now. At spring nationals this weekend, I had what was probably the worst meet of my career, performance wise. Really can't understand why, as the meet was run really well, I thought I had trained and tapered properly, and everything seemed to be in order. Come competition time, I sucked. Had a so-so 400IM, got dq'd in the 200Br, and just went slow in everything else. Not making excuses, but now I feel horrible. Don't want to train, and I'm almost embarrassed to look at my results.
So now what? How do I get over this desire to quit?
(I know, I'm taking this way to seriously, but I can't shake the feeling of being a failure)
First of all, thanks for the honest post! It's not easy to put it out there like that. But you are among friends. We have ALL been there at one time or another. I have learned, and admittedly have to relearn on occasion, that it is not your performance that determines you a failure or not. Instead it is how you react to it that defines you. Allow yourself to be disappointed, angry, sad, whatever it is you're feeling for a period of time. But then get up, brush yourself off, put on your big boy pants (or jammers) and get back in the pool. You have many many great swim performances ahead of you which you will squander if you don't get back at it. Don't rob yourself of those opportunities and feelings. I am just like you. When I swim well, I feel outstanding, probably too much so b/c a good swim shouldn't define me but I tend to let it anyway. I feel equally like crap when I don't swim well, but then I look for opportunities for improvement. Things I can do differently. and that frees me up to think positively again. The number one thing I have learned in the last few years is to relax and take the pressure off myself. I actually get excited to swim. Don't get me wrong, I'm still terrified when I approach the blocks but there's a part of me that is pulling me up anyway.
It's like what my 7 year old daughter told me this weekend. I was nervous and nauseous and downright scared. I asked her how she deals with her butterflies "biting" her (how she describes it) when she plays soccer. She said straight up to me "just think of a picture of your family. I love you". Immediately, I know I have a thousand reasons to swim, only one of them is to swim faster than I ever have.
First of all, thanks for the honest post! It's not easy to put it out there like that. But you are among friends. We have ALL been there at one time or another. I have learned, and admittedly have to relearn on occasion, that it is not your performance that determines you a failure or not. Instead it is how you react to it that defines you. Allow yourself to be disappointed, angry, sad, whatever it is you're feeling for a period of time. But then get up, brush yourself off, put on your big boy pants (or jammers) and get back in the pool. You have many many great swim performances ahead of you which you will squander if you don't get back at it. Don't rob yourself of those opportunities and feelings. I am just like you. When I swim well, I feel outstanding, probably too much so b/c a good swim shouldn't define me but I tend to let it anyway. I feel equally like crap when I don't swim well, but then I look for opportunities for improvement. Things I can do differently. and that frees me up to think positively again. The number one thing I have learned in the last few years is to relax and take the pressure off myself. I actually get excited to swim. Don't get me wrong, I'm still terrified when I approach the blocks but there's a part of me that is pulling me up anyway.
It's like what my 7 year old daughter told me this weekend. I was nervous and nauseous and downright scared. I asked her how she deals with her butterflies "biting" her (how she describes it) when she plays soccer. She said straight up to me "just think of a picture of your family. I love you". Immediately, I know I have a thousand reasons to swim, only one of them is to swim faster than I ever have.
