I'm thinking the level of anxiety I have leading up to meets, especially championships, is telling me competition is not worth it for me. I wish I could see myself improving through a season so that I can be excited to find out how fast I'm going to race at the end of it. Unfortunately, I'm at that age where I'm only getting slower, and I don't have the technical background to draw upon that some others do. I always feel relieved just after a big meet, but in the months and weeks leading up to one, I have anxiety even going to the practice pool. I dread the fact that I'm facing work, not leisure. That almost guarantees a bad practice. 'Sounds crazy doesn't it? Is it time for me to quit competing? In re-reading my first sentence I'm considering, maybe I need a therapist to help me learn what small reward keeps me going back to something so stressful, or to figure out how to give myself permission to quit. I saw a video on USA swimming in which they mention, Ryan Murphy used to puke before big events. That was a little validating. So how do you forumites manage your anxiety? Or if you don't have any, how did you achieve that serenity?
Thanks Elaine and Allen for your input. As Allen said, I think "never again" after every 200 fly. Sometimes I say that after a really great swim I think must be a fluke - 'got to leave it alone! It is true, that anxiety drops off somewhat after the first event, especially if I'm happy with the outcome. With a bad first swim though, negative thoughts increase. Anxiety for me even drops off a bit on the block, although walking to the blocks and standing behind them waiting for the previous heat to finish can be awful. Once on the block, it is the point of no return - I'm committed at that point and just think about getting the race done. Its always best when the toughest event is first so the worry is over sooner. I know all this negative thinking and anxiety is sapping energy from my races. One thing I know I have to work on is humility - that it's not the end of the world to have a really, really bad swim or even a DQ. NOBODY else cares! As Elaine said, maybe I should try "off" events and eliminate expectations. I like to do Nationals because I think my performance improves when I am in a matched heat. I tend to over swim the front half, or give up mentally when I'm swimming next to a 26 year old guy. I also get pushed around by the waves caused by a heat of people so far ahead of me they are going the opposite way. Admittedly though, with their lower stakes, local meets provoke less anxiety.
Thanks Elaine and Allen for your input. As Allen said, I think "never again" after every 200 fly. Sometimes I say that after a really great swim I think must be a fluke - 'got to leave it alone! It is true, that anxiety drops off somewhat after the first event, especially if I'm happy with the outcome. With a bad first swim though, negative thoughts increase. Anxiety for me even drops off a bit on the block, although walking to the blocks and standing behind them waiting for the previous heat to finish can be awful. Once on the block, it is the point of no return - I'm committed at that point and just think about getting the race done. Its always best when the toughest event is first so the worry is over sooner. I know all this negative thinking and anxiety is sapping energy from my races. One thing I know I have to work on is humility - that it's not the end of the world to have a really, really bad swim or even a DQ. NOBODY else cares! As Elaine said, maybe I should try "off" events and eliminate expectations. I like to do Nationals because I think my performance improves when I am in a matched heat. I tend to over swim the front half, or give up mentally when I'm swimming next to a 26 year old guy. I also get pushed around by the waves caused by a heat of people so far ahead of me they are going the opposite way. Admittedly though, with their lower stakes, local meets provoke less anxiety.
