Kids swimming and bullying

RE: Kids swimming and bullying

Former Member — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 14:22:44 GMT

From the story, there's no evidence that the kid is a bully or a brat. It sounds like there are some deep psychological/behavioral disorders that have not been addressed. Any kid with the kind of psychological/behavioral disorders like those mentioned in the story is BRAT by definition. What other "evidence" do you need??? :confused: D2

RE: Kids swimming and bullying

Former Member — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 10:35:57 GMT

While we’re on the subject of bullies and bratty kids in general, here’s an article that has a happy ending and a solution that should be applied a lot more often: :agree: news.yahoo.com/.../us_child_pepper_sprayed D2 From the story, there's no evidence that the kid is a bully or a brat. It sounds like there are some deep psychological/behavioral disorders that have not been addressed.

RE: Kids swimming and bullying

Former Member — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 16:25:22 GMT

While we’re on the subject of bullies and bratty kids in general, here’s an article that has a happy ending and a solution that should be applied a lot more often: :agree: news.yahoo.com/.../us_child_pepper_sprayed D2 There's nothing happy about that situation, neither the beginning nor the ending. That's one messed-up little kid. =\

RE: Kids swimming and bullying

Former Member — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 13:15:21 GMT

RE: Kids swimming and bullying

Former Member — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 07:56:27 GMT

Where do you kick if the bully is female? I can't compare the two kinds of pain, but it does hurt a lot to get kicked there.

RE: Kids swimming and bullying

Former Member — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 15:44:07 GMT

Where do you kick if the bully is female?

RE: Kids swimming and bullying

Former Member — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 13:39:16 GMT

I've been on the wrong side of bullying for 40 years - first myself, then my kids. Tips: I don't mean to demean anyone who has decried bullying in this thread but: This country luvs us its bullies. As evidence, I point to the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series of books and movies, all of which while treating bullying in an unflattering light, are comedies. (I could add more movie/TV/books, but do I really need to?) We don't condemn the problem. We laugh at it, because we really don't want to solve it or maybe think it intractable. Disagree? Ask yourself whether drunk driving or pederasty would be comedic subjects in books or films today. Thirty years ago, both were. (Johnny Carson made child-sex jokes. Foster Brooks' schtick was as a falling-down drunk.) We don't joke about unacceptable behavior. Since we as a country are comfortable joking about bullying, we implicitly accept it as inevitable. That means we tolerate it. It won't be going away soon. Maybe bullying will slowly fade in light of the recent pressure on it. Even so, it's not going to happen fast enough to help your kid. Bullies cower before force. Encourage your child to punch the next bullying attacker, or perhaps kick him in the ba!!s. Your child might get beat up and might get suspended from school for a couple of days, but the bullies will forthwith leave him or her alone. Bullies will attack at the point of least resistance. If they think your child might fight back - however meekly - they will leave him or her alone and seek someone who won't fight. This doesn't solve the societal problem, but it does address your child's. I wish I had followed point No. 3 above, and I wish I wish I wish I had encouraged my kids to follow it. Learn from my experience. No parent or teacher will sanction the advice I am giving. Ignore them. Kick the s.o.b. in the ba11s. If you ignore my advice, you will remember it and regret it for the rest of your life.

RE: Kids swimming and bullying

sydned — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 10:17:03 GMT

My son is 10 and has chosen to compete in sports that aren't about the team thing, I think because he is not a fan of the gang of boys mentality that sometimes surfaces in those environments. We've seen it in a major way in soccer and it really turned him off from the game. There was a particular group of boys who were super aggressive and made the game much less fun for everyone. And we're talking 8-year-olds at the time. My guy is also not a "joiner" and is really about his own individual sense of accomplishment. Instead, we go rock climbing, where there's a crew of climbers who embrace everyone, regardless of ability, age, gender, etc. We go skiing. He plays tennis, which is generally a really nice group of kids too. Okay, it doesn't hurt that my guy is very well liked and considered "cool" by the other kids but he is also quick to come to the defense of other kids when he sees things being done that are not okay. It's such a tricky thing because I even see it play out on the guys team that practices before us. I was at practice a few months ago and listened to a guy rank on a teammate, using adoption as the means of poking fun. "You 'real' Mom didn't want you..." Even if I weren't an adoptive mother, this would have made me nuts and so I called him on it and made it clear that certain behavior was simply unacceptable. (His coach would have done EXACTLY the same thing but had stepped away for a minute so didn't hear it.) I actually did it through a essay that I wrote to him, explaining adoption, what it meant, why his words were harmful. I sent it to his coaches, and to several others. Later, I received an apology from this kid and have seen his behavior change on deck. As I see it, that's our job. Modeling the behavior we expect from our children, showing kindness and concern, and calling people out when their behavior is unacceptable, and of course, talking with our kids about bullying and discussing it at home. I also think that we're responsible for listening when someone tells us our own kid has done something wrong. I know my guy is not perfect. And sometimes, he's going to screw up. I need to be able to hear that and listen to it so I can help him learn. Otherwise, I'd just end up with a big 'ol brat. It's appalling to me that the mother you discuss is not willing to hear that something is happening with her own child. I would want to know, as a mother, what was compelling my son to act that way. I would feel like there was some kind of insecurity at work that needed to be addressed. Isn't that our job as parents?

RE: Kids swimming and bullying

swimshark — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 08:10:51 GMT

Well, to balance that out I have a nice story. One of the other kids who is in age prep 2 and is an even better swimmer did something that made my heart warm like I'm not sure it ever has. My wife had actually once told me that he was an incredibly sweet kid. He is also a straight A student and recently got first place in the science fair , plus is very well liked. My wife even once witnessed him saying "I love you mom" while heading towards the pool deck, and that is saying a lot for a middle school kid, lol. Anyhow, my son a couple days ago told me that this kid said to him recently "You're going to be a really good swimmer". This is an 11 year-old kid who swims like a 26.7 sec 50Y free compared to my son's 34 sec. My son's face was beaming when he said this. He also told me he considers the kid his friend. I've never met his mom, but the next time I see her I will tell her what a wonderful son she has. I'll PM you the name of this nice kid (he also has a brother you might know). I'm glad your son heard something positive at practice. Thank you for letting me know.

RE: Kids swimming and bullying

swimshark — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 07:59:13 GMT

No, I don't think it was anyone on your team. Your team is the older kids I think. This is an age prep 2 kid (my son is in prep 1). I know the coaches for Age Group (one used to be my coach). Even if this is another age level group, I would hate to know it's going on with my team at all.

RE: Kids swimming and bullying

taruky — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 05:36:33 GMT

I know the coaches for Age Group (one used to be my coach). Even if this is another age level group, I would hate to know it's going on with my team at all. Well, to balance that out I have a nice story. One of the other kids who is in age prep 2 and is an even better swimmer did something that made my heart warm like I'm not sure it ever has. My wife had actually once told me that he was an incredibly sweet kid. He is also a straight A student and recently got first place in the science fair , plus is very well liked. My wife even once witnessed him saying "I love you mom" while heading towards the pool deck, and that is saying a lot for a middle school kid, lol. Anyhow, my son a couple days ago told me that this kid said to him recently "You're going to be a really good swimmer". This is an 11 year-old kid who swims like a 26.7 sec 50Y free compared to my son's 34 sec. My son's face was beaming when he said this. He also told me he considers the kid his friend. I've never met his mom, but the next time I see her I will tell her what a wonderful son she has. I'll PM you the name of this nice kid (he also has a brother you might know).

RE: Kids swimming and bullying

gdanner — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 04:50:17 GMT

Did you ask the school what the process are in terms of bullying? This reminds of the the big kid who got bullied by a much smaller kid. The bigger kid defended himself after being hit multiple times and ended up being suspended. I think you mean this kid: YouTube - Bully Gets Powerbombed STREET FIGHTER EDITION!

RE: Kids swimming and bullying

Former Member — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 15:39:02 GMT

RE: Kids swimming and bullying

taruky — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 10:29:45 GMT

I'm sorry this is happening and I am hoping it is not on my team. I think a talk with the coach is in order. As you know, I practice with one of the local age group teams and I can tell you there is some smack talk but the coach is always watching so it stays with smack talk. They would never allow bullying if they saw it. They need to know it is going on so they can step in and also separate the kids to avoid it. As for the mom, she needs to get a clue. I'm actually dealing with this a bit at school. One kid is asking other kids to hit my son. This is in kindergarten! I have reported it to the teacher and she is separating the offender (who hits on a daily basis) from the kids as much as possible. Good luck and it was great to see you on Sunday. No, I don't think it was anyone on your team. Your team is the older kids I think. This is an age prep 2 kid (my son is in prep 1). It was great seeing you too, it's been a while.

RE: Kids swimming and bullying

taruky — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 10:29:10 GMT

RE: Kids swimming and bullying

swimshark — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 08:03:25 GMT

RE: Kids swimming and bullying

ande — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 03:57:30 GMT

a friend of mine is a kindergarten teacher and she uses the "Self Manager Discipline" System She's asks the children what are the things that good self managers do? She builds a list of positive behaviors. Self Manager is a privledged status the child can earn or lose each day. She has a list on the chalk board of who the Classrooms self managers are and they get special privledges. If a child breaks a self manager rule, they have to erase their name from the list, but they can earn it back the next day. It's extremely effective. A Self Manager would never bully another student or tolerate another student bullying anyone. Effective Teaching... by Harry and Rosemary Wong January 2005 • “Self-Manager” Criteria for receiving acknowledgement • Satisfactory grades • Follow school rules • No discipline referrals • Class work completed • Five staff signatures (for example, teacher, teaching assistant) • Students listed in office for all staff to review Presentation procedure • Monthly award assembly Acknowledgement description • Button • Privileges • In hallways without pass • Early lunch • Self-manager lunch table • Early release (1-2 min. max) from class when appropriate Dissemination (letting others know who has received the acknowledgement) • Honor list in classroom • Parent notes

RE: Kids swimming and bullying

orca1946 — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 12:43:19 GMT

As a teacher for 41 yrs & a swim coach of 34 seasons, this should never be allowed to go any further !! I would always stop this quickly & take charge of the happening ! Talk with both of them about what is taking place !

RE: Kids swimming and bullying

taruky — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 08:09:27 GMT

An analogy occurred to me that I think can be used with anyone who doesn't take bullying seriously. I wish I thought of it when talking to the mother. If you knew that my son was giving your kid a little bit of poison or radiation every day, how long would you wait before aggressively stopping him? Would you wait 3 days? 2? Even 1? Now you understand me.

RE: Kids swimming and bullying

ande — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 06:38:26 GMT

www.operationrespect.org/ Has a lot of anti bullying info No team should tolerate it

RE: Kids swimming and bullying

Former Member — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 14:22:45 GMT

Bullying is not limited to just a school behavior and there is an increasing lack of civility and aggressive behavior by adults too. I guess it’s the result of the long term economic mess and many people are getting stressed out and simply mad at the world. Many psychologists also make the observation that as the world is getting more populated and more crowded, there are simply “Too many rats in the box” and aggressive behavior is becoming pandemic. As for school bullies, it sounds like the situation is starting to get red hot and if past incidents are a picture of the future, there is definitely a potential for deadly violence–IE- Columbine, Virginia Tech, for example. School administrators cannot look the other way any more and there needs to be a serious campaign to prevent violence before someone gets fed up and brings a gun to school. In general, the campaign must focus on the problem that bullies don’t appreciate the consequences of aggressive behavior and bullies need to use logical reasoning, common sense, and critical thinking about the real consequences (-IE- the possibility of more school shootings) of mistreating other students. Accordingly, here are some very appropriate names for the anti-bullying campaign: “Bullies Are Dummies: They Just Can't Learn How To Stay Out Of Trouble?” or “Don’t Be Retarded -Fix Your Learning Disorder Before It Gets You Hurt”, or “Don’t Play With Fire And You Won’t Get Burned", or "You May Be Your Victim's Next Victim". :agree: D2

RE: Kids swimming and bullying

Former Member — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 13:42:50 GMT

I'm wondering if I can get some advice from some of you familiar with youth swim teams and how they deal with disciplinary issues. A conversation with the coach is in order. Sharing your concerns might allow him to provide the others with a greater insight as to what your son might have to go through each day to day. A team environment should foster unity as corny as that might sound. Boys will be boys, but this is clearly an opportunity for the bullies to learn some compassion for those with learning difficulties. Children with Asperger's can quite often be misunderstood. The coach, with your permission, should speak with these boys privately and see if he can offer them a bit more understanding of their actions. Who knows, they may wind up being his biggest supporters in school where the bullying goes on unchecked. Hope you find a nice resolve for your son.

RE: Kids swimming and bullying

taruky — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 10:24:28 GMT

Thanks for the feedback. Aquajock, I'm not sure about you, but one of my biggest fears is that one day my son decides he has had enough and does something to himself or others that is irreparable. Although I must say to date my son hasn't been swirlied. Interestingly enough I spoke to the kid's mother and of course she was defensive. Her son denies everything to her, and she told me that he wasn't raised that way. She said that maybe the boys should sit down and talk about the "incident". I, in turn, explained that this is not an issue of two kids working something out but rather a bullying/harassment issue. It was funny how she changed her tune when I told her my son has Asperger's syndrome, keeps to himself, and is regularly harassed. She said "I know if my son knew that he would never act that way to your son." I wanted to say "should it make any difference?" A couple years ago I once told both my kids that if I ever heard about one of them bullying another child I would raise hell with them. Yes I teach them to be kind and compassionate, but that alone does not stop the gang mentality. It's funny, but I notice this gang mentality a lot even with parents. They have their clicks, and one will complain about or criticize a coach and everyone else chimes in and agrees. They are extremely competitive. I swear it's like being in school again. I pretty much keep to myself in the stands, I really don't feel comfortable around them or enjoy their company. Who knows, maybe I have Asperger's too.

RE: Kids swimming and bullying

aquageek — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 10:09:58 GMT

I would approach the coach, not a web forum. Also, the fact you looked up the other kid's times and posted them here makes me a bit unclear as to your motives.

RE: Kids swimming and bullying

pmccoy — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 09:38:52 GMT

I coach youth soccer which has similar problems. The key is addressing the bullying up front before the season and not after it starts. I don't tolerate it in any way and I tend to be proactive about stopping the bullying by looking for signs before it starts. If I were coaching your son, I'd like to know ahead of time. Just give him the background and let him know that there isn't a problem at practice/meets but there is at school and it could become a team problem. Kind of a "heads up" thing. It presents him with an opportunity to talk about team unity and go over types of behavior he will not tolerate. I'm willing to pull superstars out of games for behavioral issues... even if the ref doesn't see it. Hopefully your coach is also willing to go that far. Edit: By "giving the coach background", I don't mean dumping on him your son's troubles with specific individual. Simply stating that he has Asperger's and that he has had bullying problem in school should be enough. Coaches can't see everything going on at every moment and bullies usually take advantage of that. A coach can't discipline on "he said, she said" so don't expect a lot of results just because your son says something happened.